my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
