I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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