Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
