ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
