she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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