I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
