I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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