I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
