she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
