Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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