I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
