youre lurking in front of me
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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