even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
