We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
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So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We are two peas in an std pod
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
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Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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