Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Houston, we have a squirter
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
