i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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