I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
