this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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