Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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