Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
