my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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