i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
