the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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