Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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