had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
