Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize