my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
