Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
