Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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