Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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