a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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