i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
