i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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