he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
