Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
