I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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