Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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