i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
