it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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