you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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