I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
