i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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