He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
