so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
