So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
