No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
