Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
