Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
