I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
