I just made out with a guy for $7.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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