Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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