awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
