I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
