Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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