So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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