Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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