He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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