i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
