He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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