Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
