I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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