she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
