I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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