Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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