It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
