kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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