I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
