I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
