Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
