Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
